Have you ever attended a presentation so captivating that you couldn’t take your eyes off the speaker? Do you want to know how to become that speaker? Keep reading, because we’ve explored for you the foolproof strategies to become the undisputed champion of boredom, confusion, and zero influence in your presentations!

Here is your ultimate guide to the 9 commandments that will help you never spark any interest, never get your message across, and, most importantly, never convince anyone.

1. Ignor your Public, Completely

The first rule of a boring presentation is to completely ignore your audience. Never consider their interests, needs, or knowledge levels. Only talk about what interests you, even if it has nothing to do with your audience's expectations. After all, why waste time adapting your speech when you can talk about your expertise for hours?

2. Your Slides, Overload them

Slides are the perfect tool to plunge your audience into complete stupor. Make sure they are overloaded with text, incomprehensible graphs, and garish colors. The more content on a single slide, the better.
Use a tiny font, preferably unreadable from the back of the room.
To avoid capturing your audience's attention, use poor-quality, blurry, or out-of-context images. 90s clipart is an excellent choice.

3. Stay monotone, it’s perfect for meditation

Your voice is your secret weapon for ensuring boredom. Speak in a monotone, without any variation in pitch or emotion. Forget about vocal changes that might reveal any enthusiasm or passion. Aim for a flat, uniform tone, resembling a distant, far-off drone. If possible, speak a little lower than your natural volume so that people have difficulty hearing you.

4. Never Tell Stories

Anecdotes and real-life examples can make your presentation relatable; how dreadful! To avoid that, stick purely to theory. Flood your audience with abstract concepts and technical jargon. Your listeners should feel like they’re back in an academic lecture, completely disconnected from reality.

5. Avoid Interactions

An interaction with the audience could break the wall of boredom you’ve so carefully built. Never ask questions or encourage discussions. Also, do not respond to any questions from the audience. Your goal is to maintain a cold and impersonal distance. If someone tries to participate, politely but firmly ignore them.

6. Managing your time, no thanks!

Nothing shows your lack of consideration for your audience more clearly than poor time management. Never plan your presentation in advance. Either finish far too early, leaving your audience feeling empty, or go way over the allotted time, forcing people to listen long after they've lost interest. Add long, awkward silences between slides for an extra layer of boredom.

7. Memorize then Recite or even Better: Read your Text

There is nothing more boring than a speaker who seems to be reading from a memorized text. Nothing is more hypnotic than reading aloud what anyone can read themselves.
Make sure you recite your presentation word for word, without ever deviating. Don't leave any room for spontaneity or improvisation. A speech that's too scripted sounds artificial and detached, which is a great way to avoid engaging your audience.

8. NO to Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is contagious and can inadvertently captivate your audience. So make sure to eliminate any trace of passion from your presentation. Talk about your topic as if it were the most boring thing in the world. Adopt a disinterested attitude, as this is the key to putting your audience to sleep.

9. No need for a Conclusion

Finally, never dare to offer a clear and concise conclusion. You leave your audience completely confused about the message you were trying to convey.
End abruptly or keep talking until everyone is too tired to care what you say.
The goal is to make sure that no one understands or remembers anything from your presentation.

The goal is to make sure that no one understands or remembers anything from your presentation.