We often talk about “toxic leaders” as if they were monsters you could spot with the naked eye.

Mais si, sans le vouloir, je faisais moi-même partie du problème? Et si mes comportements, même bien intentionnés, créaient de la tension, de la peur ou de la démotivation autour de moi?

Recognizing one's own toxicity is neither easy nor pleasant. In many cases, toxicity is insidious... and unconscious. And to avoid feeling too guilty, we reassure ourselves and find flimsy excuses.

So how can I, today, become aware of my possible toxicity? And above all, how can I remedy that?

 

---

How Can I Detect my Own Toxicity?

---

1- Analyze Anomalies

I can start by asking questions like:

• Pourquoi les gens semblent tendus autour de moi?
• Pourquoi y a-t-il autant de départs dans mon équipe?
• Est-ce que mes collaborateurs me disent vraiment ce qu’ils pensent?

 

Without honest introspection, it is almost impossible to understand what fuels a toxic environment. Change starts with sincere questioning.

---

2- Be Receptive to Feedback

Le feedback est un miroir. Mais pour qu’il reflète une image fidèle:

• I must foster a culture where honest feedback is welcomed (360° evaluations, open discussions, etc.).
• I must learn to listen without getting defensive or justifying myself (not easy when ego gets bruised).

 

If I regularly hear words like "lack of listening", "anxiety-inducing climate" or "little recognition", it is time for me to seriously question myself.

---

3- Evaluate Engagement Level

Même sans feedback formel, certains signes de désengagement ne trompent pas:

• My team no longer takes initiative.
• Talented people leave.
• People avoid direct contact with me.
• Energy and enthusiasm drop noticeably.

 

If I am attentive, I can feel that discomfort is settling in — it's up to me to dig deeper rather than looking for someone to blame.

---

4- Going through a catastrophic situation

Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a shock to reset:

• A formal complaint about my behavior.
• Burnout within the team.
• A project fails due to inaction.
• Or even a personal existential crisis.

 

I’d rather not get to that point, but such wake-up calls can help me see the real impact of my actions and shift my perspective.

---

5- Be in a Culture that Values Vulnerability

Dans une organisation où l’authenticité est valorisée, où montrer ses failles n’est pas vu comme une faiblesse, il est « plus » facile pour un leader de se reconnaître toxique et travailler dessus.

 

---

---

Once I’m Aware of My Potential Toxicity, What Next?

---

Accept That I Might Be the Cause

Le réflexe humain est souvent de se défendre: « Oui mais c’est parce que… », « Je n’avais pas le choix… ».

Mais le vrai changement commence quand j’accepte, sans détour: “Yes, I’ve had toxic behaviors—even if I didn’t mean to.”

 

This clarity is essential for any sustainable change. Let's move on to step 2.

---

Understand My Inner Mechanisms

Je cherche à clarifier les intentions derrière mes gestes:

• « Pourquoi ai-je besoin de tout contrôler? »
• « Pourquoi ai-je du mal à faire confiance à mon équipe? »
• « Qu’est-ce que j’essaie d’éviter (échec, perte de pouvoir, etc.)? »
• « Qu’est-ce qui me frustre autant? »

Often, toxic behaviors come from unresolved wounds. This deeper work sometimes requires a coach, mentor, or therapy.

 

I become aware of the fears, wounds, or limiting beliefs fueling my toxic behaviors.

---

3. Engage in Honest Conversations

Pas une fois par an, pas de phrases creuses, mais de vraies discussions régulières sur ma posture et mes pratiques de leader:

• « Qu’est-ce qui a bien fonctionné cette semaine? »
• « Qu’est-ce que je peux améliorer dans ma manière de vous soutenir? »

 

And most importantly, I listen—truly—to understand, not just to respond.

---

4. Implement Observable Micro-Changes

Changer une dynamique toxique ne passe pas par des grandes déclarations (« je vais changer, promis! »), mais par des gestes concrets:

• Publicly thank a team member.
• Let others speak without interrupting.
• Admit a mistake in front of the team.
• Take time to listen without judgment.

 

One action at a time, these micro-changes rebuild trust.

---

5. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Pour éviter de demeurer dans la toxicité, je renforce progressivement:

• My empathy (connecting with what others are experiencing).
• My emotional regulation (responding calmly despite intense feelings).
• My ability to read between the lines (spotting tension, discomfort).

 

These skills are developed through practice, feedback, and sometimes targeted training.

---

6. Fail and Try Again

I will never be “perfect.” And certainly not overnight. I’ll sometimes slip back into old habits. But now: I’m more self-aware, I’ve learned how to apologize, and I’m progressing.

 

The key lies in awareness and consistency—not perfection.

---

The Path of Courage

---

Overcoming one’s toxicity is a courageous act. There’s no miracle solution or shortcut. It takes humility, persistence, and a genuine desire to change—not just to save face.

---

Et maintenant?

---

If you’ve read this far, this subject clearly speaks to you. Maybe you’re afraid you’ve shown some toxic behaviors. Maybe you see them in someone around you. Either way, it doesn’t matter where you start.

Le premier pas vers la conscience est simple:

Ask someone you trust today: « Comment est-ce que tu me perçois comme leader? »

It might be uncomfortable. It might open a small—or large—Pandora’s box. But that’s often where real change begins: becoming a leader who takes responsibility for their impact, and choosing to do better, one action at a time.